It's only eight more days until Christmas. It's cliche to say, probably even pedantic to comment on, but time flies! How is it that Christmas is already here? What did I do for the past 350 some odd days? Either way, I'm glad Christmas is here. It's the best time of the year as far as I'm concerned (I started listening to Christmas music before Thanksgiving) and I can only speak for myself, but this season has been more enriching than years past. I figured I'd share a bit about why.
In my younger years my heart leapt in anticipation for Christmas due to the excitement of the season, and who wouldn't? Trees, lights, music, special food, and presents! But I'm finding in my early 30's my anticipation changing. I care less about the music, the trees, everything (p.s. it's interesting how online sales and times keep extending...pretty soon black friday will be in June...). I find that I care less and less about what the world has to offer me and more about what God has in store. Why?
For a world that hates on Jesus, it's weird to me that Jesus has been the stereotypical sign for the marketing of consumerism. We see the baby Jesus and somehow we think "buy, buy, buy!" I was at a Christmas party the other day of my wife's coworkers (who adamantly think faith and church is silly) and yet when we walk in we find a manger set as the prominent display. "How interesting" I thought. Jesus really is at the center of this time, even for those who dismiss him. The marketing of Christmas is accurate in the metaphor that a gift is what a person needs. We got that one right! But what we miss is that xbox's and movies, iPods and Kindle's are small kibbles for the hole in our hearts. When Blaise Pascal said "every man is born with a God-shaped hole in his heart" he was right. Christmas "gifting" (I just made that up), at its core, unconsciously considers a different equation. What if we could calculate how BIG God is and thus determine the amount of gifts I could buy to fill that hole? Blaise wasn't being comically whimsical, making a jab at the natural logic of deism, but rather he was stating an ontological reality. By definition God is beyond our comprehension and thus by implication beyond measuring. If God cannot be measured then in reality no amount of gifts will ever fill that God-shaped hole. What is incredibly interesting is that parents who don't believe in Jesus somehow intrinsically recognize that a hole exists and want to give gifts to their kids with hopes of lasting happiness. Yet Christmas comes year after year and we still give gifts? Why? Because they don't satisfy. Xbox games get old, teddy bears rip, movies mundane. This whole event is ironically similar to the Old Testament sacrificial system, when year after year the people had to offer sacrifices because the blood of bulls and goats was never able to eternally purify one's heart. So why do we keep buying? Because we fail to see the gift of Christ as the BEST gift, given ONCE and for ALL.
We're all in the midst of this process. Kids dwell in the greatness of the miracle. Teens need to reminded constantly of the Truth of Christ's gift. Now in my 30's I'm finding a change in how I see this manger Jesus. I no longer see him as a symbol of a time to celebrate (though that's true) but I have begun to see him as a real baby. Of course with a seminary degree I have always understand and could articulate his historical presence and theological necessity, but he's somehow become more real to me. I see a baby small and fragile yet adamant and determined to be born as if he had a purpose for which he longed to complete. Though he could not speak as an infant, I somehow see in his eyes "I will not be thwarted"...like nothing would stop him (reminds me of Romans 8:31!). How blessed are you Jesus, the baby that with everything small, and with a simple smile and faint giggle somehow in your innocence give hope to all. How is it that this is true? Why is he somehow more real? Because the older I get, and the more I begin to crave a child of my own (my wife and I have been married for three years), intrinsically the father nature inside of me no longer sees Christmas as a time to get, but as a time to give. If my wife and I had a child, my instinct would never be "what can this baby give me?" but rather, "what wouldn't I give for this baby?" When Mary and Joseph looked at their baby boy, knowing was he born of God by the Holy Spirit, and that he would be great, inheriting the throne of David, reigning forever, how little did they realize what this baby would one day do to fundamentally change the world. He would die on a cross, brutally, for the sins of all men, and raised to life making possible the reality to be freed from the bondage of sin and death (by the work of the Holy Spirit).
So if we connect the dots, we find three things to be true: a) as a parent we would never ask what a child will do for us. b) we know that Jesus did do something for us, and c) it inspires us to say with greater depth, "what wouldn't I do for this baby?"
What wouldn't I do for this baby? Unfortunately I, probably all of us, can think of things we would rather not do. But if we see Jesus for who is really is we cannot afford to not. For me, it has been because I have lacked the ability to really see Jesus as real. Permit me for a second a brief interlude to help us better understand that single moment in history. If I close my eyes I can picture myself in the cave. I'm not a ghostly figment like Scrooge overlooking the past, but I'm real. I'm dressed not in jeans and my American Eagle sweater, but clothed with a simple tunic, light, thin, not very warm. I'm kneeled down with Joseph next to Mary as she lay prone against the cold rock and dirty floor. I can feel the chill of the night creeping in and the soft mooing of the animals. There is hay scattered over the floor, with droppings of manure amongst the patches. I can hear the breeze whistling outside the manger-cave at his birth; a response of the changing times, carrying on it the sound of New Birth for all men, the reassurance that this baby would change everything. Fear struck the hearts of prideful men and all who had power sought to take it from him for their own. But it could not be undone. Such humble beginnings, yet with his first cry a noise echoed back through the ages heard by the bones of men and women long gone and I can almost hear the sighs of the many in their tombs who for so long had awaited the fulfillment to the promise they held onto so feebly for they could not see what they hoped for. With the baby's birth their fears were settled as they heard the cry that with it trumpeted and sounded the inauguration of the end. Eternal rest is soon to come. It marked the defining redemptive moment when God would fix what we messed up, not like a deistic cosmic janitor, but rather as a Father who so deeply loved his children that he paid the price; a price only as large as one can pay, the death of his Son. This was a real moment in history. A moment that beckons me to question, "what wouldn't I do for this baby?"
Fast forward. So what what am I asked to do? Simply put, in a world where people buy gifts to fill the God-shaped hole, I do what is difficult - I bring them the real gift. Paul says "How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have not heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!' But they have not all obeyed the gospel. for Isaiah says, 'Lord, who has believed what he has heard from us?' So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ" (Romans 10:14-17).
Christmas time is filled with all sorts of gifts. The gift of family, friends, fellowship, food, and fun! But the most literal gift are presents themselves, wrapped neatly under the tree, causing anticipation and hope in what we cannot yet see, that this gift will somehow bring joy to me. Christmas is a time to give and to receive; a time to fill and be filled. Indeed anticipating what we cannot see is a Biblical theme and a great metaphor for how the men old waited, and how we must also wait. But at the end of the day one must never forget the greatest gift of all. It is an understatement to say that we have much as Americans, yet God's promise (and warning) to his people long ago stands just as true today: "and when you eat and are full, then take care lest you forget the LORD, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, about of the house of slavery" (Deut. 6:11b-12). The exodus stands as the single greatest Old Testament motif to parallel the New Testament. God's people were enslaved by Pharaoh, bitterly treated, with no hope. Yet God released them from their bond of slavery (see NT theme in Romans 8:1-4) and brought them into a new land. Yet as the author of Hebrews reminds us that if God was just to punish every disobedience under the Old Covenant, how then will we escape judgment who have a greater form of revelation: namely the birth, death, and resurrection of God's Son Jesus. I cannot dismiss this. I cannot allow Christmas to turn into a mere exchange of goods. The point I'm making to myself and any reader is not to strike materialism out of our hearts for fear of judgment, but rather experience the desire that Moses wrote in the same Deuteronomy passage above: we are to "love the LORD our God with all our heart, with all our soul, and with our might." Jesus himself quoted from this passage directly when asked what the greatest commandment was (Mt. 22) and he also quoted another portion elsewhere when being tempted by Satan in the wilderness. "If you, then, will worship me, it will all be yours." And Jesus answered him, "It is written,
'You shall worship the Lord your God, and him only shall you serve.'" (Luke 4)
This all makes sense after all since we have heard that we cannot serve both God and money. Certainly it is too reductionistic to think the money is the only antithesis to worshipping God. As Tim Keller has stated, "any good thing that becomes an ultimate thing ceases to be a good thing." Anything that grasps my heart more than God is worship. Christmas is about what we get. We get salvation. The forgiveness of sins by grace through faith. Eternal life. But it's also about giving. That's where my heart has found a new joy. Seeing past the lights, past the trees, past the songs, and into the heart of who Jesus really was. He may have started as a baby, but he grew to accomplish something far greater than this world ever expected. I am called to serve the Lord only. I am called to do the difficult - to bypass fear, to bypass the desire to self medicate with new toys and things, and I go and give the BEST gift.
This season I pray for myself, and for any who might read this post, that the faint cry of the baby Jesus would now echo centuries forward into our own hearts. And that as we hear that cry it would dismantle thoughts of anything else. That his real smile would warm our hearts. That in somehow touching him, holding him, letting his tiny fingers grasp one of yours that you would become more real to you: his very existence and purpose more real and that feel the intrinsic response, "with what he has given me in his life, death, and resurrection...what wouldn't I do for this baby?" Again, how beautiful are the feet who bring good news!
Lord help me, help us, see that filling my life with the treasures of this world puts me in danger of forgetting our greatest need. Whatever we need to do, whether it's create new traditions, or delete old ones, we must never lose the meaning of the metaphor. I have must never be so full of Christmas gifts that I forget its greatest gift.
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Sticky Faith
A long time ago I was talking with a student and through whatever chain of events I mentioned the Canadian Rockies merely in passing...to which he stopped me confused. "The Canadian Rockies? Wait...those are in Canada right?"
As funny as that was, we as youth pastors and parents have a much deeper issue to deal with. Over the last several years I've come to realize that high school students are dealing with issues that I didn't deal with until college...and middle school students are dealing with problems that shouldn't be realized until at least high school. Every day students are confronted with billions of data that their minds are not physiologically capable of processing. The result is a fragmented identity. Who they are is defined by their different social contexts. They are being forced to deal with greater problems with less mental, emotional, and yes - spiritual maturity than it takes. The research shows that the 18 year old in 1981 is now the 25 year old in 2012. There is a deepening regression, and it's digging into the hearts of the next generation. The evidence appears staggering. I sometimes wonder what device 5 year olds will be holding in their hands ten years from now. It's scary. I was talking to a great friend the other day about their nephews. Apparently their screams are placated with iPads and iPhones...and they could be content looking at them 8 hours a day...that's a full days work! Not to mention what students have access to via the Internet...there is pornographic material that has slipped into You Tube now. Scary. So what can we do?
This past Sunday after some delicious tacos, with parents of preschoolers, and both middle and high school we started a conversation. We started walking through Dr. Kara Powell and Dr. Chap Clark's book Sticky Faith. If you haven't read it, read it. I highly recommended it. It's a book built to teach principles on how to help build a lasting faith in the next generation. In the end it has to do with the gospel. There is nothing more intrinsically valuable to students (and us as well) as a correct view of the gospel. No surprise there right? Wrong. At least according to students reasoning (of corse the right answer is "right!"). In her research, after asked what it means to be a Christian over one third of students didn't even mentioned Jesus. Not to be cliche, or perpetuate students "pat" answers, but the right answer to that question has to involve Jesus. Right? Right. That is unless you've jumped into the theologically broken cistern of liberal thought (I'm NOT speaking politically) where they fancy loving others in the form of accepting principles like open theism, gay marriage, etc. Unfortunately, this is the direction for many youth that graduate from college. It's said now that 40-50% of graduating high schoolers will leave their faith and the church in college. As staggering as that is, it's more shocking, I think, that only 20% of the 40-50% premeditated their departure while still in high school. That means that 80% had no intention of leaving...but did, whether by persuasion, laziness, education, apathy, under duress, gleefulness, whatever. They leave.
Kara talks about many things, but here are two key principles that I find talking about and pondering incredibly helpful.
1.) students believe in a "gospel of sin-management" - which reduces the gospel, that is the great news of Jesus, to a list of do's and dont's. The Law was never a gospel...rather it points us toward the fact that there is need of a gospel. The Law, as Paul points out, was meant to show sin for what it is: namely sin.
2.) students are consuming a "Red Bull" gospel. back in my younger days it was no doze, bur now irs Red Bull and Monster...meaning they pop spiritual caffeine into their system to simply get by. And get by they do...sometimes at least...but again it's all about sin-management. And just like drinking energy drinks, they last a while, but they eventually run out of energy and they crash...hard.
But all this falls on us. My dad has always reminded me that we are "responsible to people and never for people." These principles that students learn doesn't happen in a vacuum. They are learning from us. Parents. Leaders. Friends. Church goers. Etc. So what example are we setting?
Kara talks about teaching kids to TRUST God, not just be obedient. Certainly in the end we as parents and leaders need to set the example. The right example. When Paul says "imitate me as I imitate Christ" he's not boasting in his life, but Christ's (1 Cor. 11:1). when Jesus calls his disciples he calls the, to "be with" him that he might then "send them out" (Mark 3:14). We as models have to first be with Jesus ourselves, getting inflow from the master, so that we can overflow a correct view of the gospel to younger generations...to help them where they are at. People are drawn to the authentic. Pascal was right, and students and kids - because they are made in the image of God and because separated at birth by sin - they are intrinsically drawn to a right relationship with God modeled by us.
Let this be our model: "...I sent you Timothy, my beloved and faithful child in The Lord, to remind you of my way in Christ." It all comes back to Christ. Inflow and overflow. Be with and be sent out. Love God and love others. The gospel is central. We may plant and water but only God can cause the growth. May we double our prayers and fund ourselves resting in Gods presence through Jesus that kids may find God attractive in the midst of so many distractions. And may we give ourselves grace and patience as we learn all over again how to walk in relationship with Christ.
Grace and peace.
As funny as that was, we as youth pastors and parents have a much deeper issue to deal with. Over the last several years I've come to realize that high school students are dealing with issues that I didn't deal with until college...and middle school students are dealing with problems that shouldn't be realized until at least high school. Every day students are confronted with billions of data that their minds are not physiologically capable of processing. The result is a fragmented identity. Who they are is defined by their different social contexts. They are being forced to deal with greater problems with less mental, emotional, and yes - spiritual maturity than it takes. The research shows that the 18 year old in 1981 is now the 25 year old in 2012. There is a deepening regression, and it's digging into the hearts of the next generation. The evidence appears staggering. I sometimes wonder what device 5 year olds will be holding in their hands ten years from now. It's scary. I was talking to a great friend the other day about their nephews. Apparently their screams are placated with iPads and iPhones...and they could be content looking at them 8 hours a day...that's a full days work! Not to mention what students have access to via the Internet...there is pornographic material that has slipped into You Tube now. Scary. So what can we do?
This past Sunday after some delicious tacos, with parents of preschoolers, and both middle and high school we started a conversation. We started walking through Dr. Kara Powell and Dr. Chap Clark's book Sticky Faith. If you haven't read it, read it. I highly recommended it. It's a book built to teach principles on how to help build a lasting faith in the next generation. In the end it has to do with the gospel. There is nothing more intrinsically valuable to students (and us as well) as a correct view of the gospel. No surprise there right? Wrong. At least according to students reasoning (of corse the right answer is "right!"). In her research, after asked what it means to be a Christian over one third of students didn't even mentioned Jesus. Not to be cliche, or perpetuate students "pat" answers, but the right answer to that question has to involve Jesus. Right? Right. That is unless you've jumped into the theologically broken cistern of liberal thought (I'm NOT speaking politically) where they fancy loving others in the form of accepting principles like open theism, gay marriage, etc. Unfortunately, this is the direction for many youth that graduate from college. It's said now that 40-50% of graduating high schoolers will leave their faith and the church in college. As staggering as that is, it's more shocking, I think, that only 20% of the 40-50% premeditated their departure while still in high school. That means that 80% had no intention of leaving...but did, whether by persuasion, laziness, education, apathy, under duress, gleefulness, whatever. They leave.
Kara talks about many things, but here are two key principles that I find talking about and pondering incredibly helpful.
1.) students believe in a "gospel of sin-management" - which reduces the gospel, that is the great news of Jesus, to a list of do's and dont's. The Law was never a gospel...rather it points us toward the fact that there is need of a gospel. The Law, as Paul points out, was meant to show sin for what it is: namely sin.
2.) students are consuming a "Red Bull" gospel. back in my younger days it was no doze, bur now irs Red Bull and Monster...meaning they pop spiritual caffeine into their system to simply get by. And get by they do...sometimes at least...but again it's all about sin-management. And just like drinking energy drinks, they last a while, but they eventually run out of energy and they crash...hard.
But all this falls on us. My dad has always reminded me that we are "responsible to people and never for people." These principles that students learn doesn't happen in a vacuum. They are learning from us. Parents. Leaders. Friends. Church goers. Etc. So what example are we setting?
Kara talks about teaching kids to TRUST God, not just be obedient. Certainly in the end we as parents and leaders need to set the example. The right example. When Paul says "imitate me as I imitate Christ" he's not boasting in his life, but Christ's (1 Cor. 11:1). when Jesus calls his disciples he calls the, to "be with" him that he might then "send them out" (Mark 3:14). We as models have to first be with Jesus ourselves, getting inflow from the master, so that we can overflow a correct view of the gospel to younger generations...to help them where they are at. People are drawn to the authentic. Pascal was right, and students and kids - because they are made in the image of God and because separated at birth by sin - they are intrinsically drawn to a right relationship with God modeled by us.
Let this be our model: "...I sent you Timothy, my beloved and faithful child in The Lord, to remind you of my way in Christ." It all comes back to Christ. Inflow and overflow. Be with and be sent out. Love God and love others. The gospel is central. We may plant and water but only God can cause the growth. May we double our prayers and fund ourselves resting in Gods presence through Jesus that kids may find God attractive in the midst of so many distractions. And may we give ourselves grace and patience as we learn all over again how to walk in relationship with Christ.
Grace and peace.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Dependent, Intimate Prayer
So I was reading in a book yesterday (The Contemplative Pastor - by Eugene Peterson), and he suggested some thought provoking ideas.
Early in his ministry he taught seminars, archaelogy, church history, and was very successful at it. In a sense, he operated as a local mini-college professor within his own church. Yet what he discovered was that people really weren't coming to learn what he thought they wanted. Really, they were coming because at the core, these people wanted to learn how to have an intimate relationship with God.
So what did he learn? He learned that what the people wanted, and what the people needed most, was in fact Not the ability to talk about God, but rather to talk with God. In short, he realized that the single greatest thing he could do as a pastor was to teach people how to pray.
People need to learn how to attend the inner being. They need to learn how to talk with God themselves, to have an intimate relationship with God, and I agree. We all need this. Myself. Parents. Students.
He suggested that there are three types of language that people learn.
Language I: This is the language of intimacy and relationship...not so unlike a baby's language. It
is our primary and basic language for "expressing and developing the human condition."
Language II: This is the language of information, most commonly understood within the education
system.
Language III: This is the language of motivation. Words have power and can be used to
accomplish a goal, most commonly found in advertising and politics.
Which language is the language of prayer? Language I. Prayer is the language of intimacy and relationship. It's about expressing, within the limits of the human condition, a desire to be known, which is not a coincidence, but rather a result of "the fall"...and so each of us intrinsically and innately, whether we know it or not, crave a have a relationship with God, our creator, who created us in his image. But interestingly we swap out this language of intimacy of relationship for lesser others, which, ironically, often removes intimacy from prayer. We know to talk about God, or even to God, and often at God, but not with God.
It's about time that we moved ourselves into a primary proficiency of relationship with God, hence talking with him - not to him, or at him - where we find that our love for God awakens as Jesus asked, a "child-like" faith, that is dependent on God. After all, nothing we do demonstrates our dependence on God (an intimate relationship) more than prayer.
This couldn't be more important during seasons like Christmas, when God sent his Son to do what we could not, that is offer a sacrifice of atonement, that we might regain a proper standing with God, reconciled and redeemed, promoted from death to life, lifted out of darkness and into the glorious presence of God the creator.
The QUESTION is, do we have the type of relationship with God that demonstrates a constant dependency on him? Does our prayer life reflect this type of intimate language...like that of a baby who needs constant help?
So, what things have you learned as parents that encourage this type of prayer life in your family?
Early in his ministry he taught seminars, archaelogy, church history, and was very successful at it. In a sense, he operated as a local mini-college professor within his own church. Yet what he discovered was that people really weren't coming to learn what he thought they wanted. Really, they were coming because at the core, these people wanted to learn how to have an intimate relationship with God.
So what did he learn? He learned that what the people wanted, and what the people needed most, was in fact Not the ability to talk about God, but rather to talk with God. In short, he realized that the single greatest thing he could do as a pastor was to teach people how to pray.
People need to learn how to attend the inner being. They need to learn how to talk with God themselves, to have an intimate relationship with God, and I agree. We all need this. Myself. Parents. Students.
He suggested that there are three types of language that people learn.
Language I: This is the language of intimacy and relationship...not so unlike a baby's language. It
is our primary and basic language for "expressing and developing the human condition."
Language II: This is the language of information, most commonly understood within the education
system.
Language III: This is the language of motivation. Words have power and can be used to
accomplish a goal, most commonly found in advertising and politics.
Which language is the language of prayer? Language I. Prayer is the language of intimacy and relationship. It's about expressing, within the limits of the human condition, a desire to be known, which is not a coincidence, but rather a result of "the fall"...and so each of us intrinsically and innately, whether we know it or not, crave a have a relationship with God, our creator, who created us in his image. But interestingly we swap out this language of intimacy of relationship for lesser others, which, ironically, often removes intimacy from prayer. We know to talk about God, or even to God, and often at God, but not with God.
It's about time that we moved ourselves into a primary proficiency of relationship with God, hence talking with him - not to him, or at him - where we find that our love for God awakens as Jesus asked, a "child-like" faith, that is dependent on God. After all, nothing we do demonstrates our dependence on God (an intimate relationship) more than prayer.
This couldn't be more important during seasons like Christmas, when God sent his Son to do what we could not, that is offer a sacrifice of atonement, that we might regain a proper standing with God, reconciled and redeemed, promoted from death to life, lifted out of darkness and into the glorious presence of God the creator.
The QUESTION is, do we have the type of relationship with God that demonstrates a constant dependency on him? Does our prayer life reflect this type of intimate language...like that of a baby who needs constant help?
So, what things have you learned as parents that encourage this type of prayer life in your family?
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Relationships
So I've been married for...oh...just over a year now. And I'm finding that the statement "marriage is the most rewarding thing you can ever do, but it's also the hardest" to be very true! In fact I was talking with a student the other night and she said, "yea, my parents have been saying that for 25 years!" Ha! Awesome. I love finding new ways that I'm selfish...sarcasm. But in light of all this, I find myself face to face with the greatness of God's grace and mercy, especially through my wife. What a blessing!
However, if the process of coming to grips with the reality of how selfish we are and how difficult it is to actually live out the call to "love your wives as Christ loved the church" is difficult for adults then how do we hope for students to get it?
Last night we had our Rated "R" for Relationships night. I started by talking about how we were created with a DRIVE inside of us that's different than any other drive. It's the drive to be known "fully" - there is a reason why in the OT the word in Hebrew for intimacy between spouses is "to know." Deeply we all crave to be in a relationship where there is total exposure...to be known fully. We crave in the deepest way for someone to know all our faults, all our failures, and to look us in the face and say "I love you and I forgive you."
But here's the kicker - it's all too easy to fill that DRIVE with another person. Even for married people that's difficult. That's why Paul redefines a fundamental piece of our theology...in Ephesians 5 he quotes Genesis 2 by saying "man shall leave his father and his mother and be united with his wife. and the two shall become one flesh." Paul makes it clear that this mystery is great, but at its deepest core it touches what we need most: a relationship with God. All of us need a God first mentality before others. In any marriage the common thread on both ends must be GOD FIRST, spouse second. If both the husband and wife have this mentality, like Ephesians 5, God first, then it becomes easier for one to sacrifice for the other, to love the spouse like Christ loved the church, by meeting their needs...like Christ met our needs. I'm learning that both spouses must sacrifice themselves to meet the others needs, with the result that each others needs are met, thus both satisfied.
But how do we teach students about healthy relationships? We have to start with the GOD first. We can't strive to fill our DRIVE with another before Christ. We must fill the need to be Fully Known first with God...after all, only God can know me fully. Teaching students to fill their hearts with Christ is the valuable thing we can do to help students prepare themselves for a healthy marriage. More than dating, more than healthy exposure (though I don't discount it), having a solid relationship with Christ - being known fully and striving to know God - is the most important thing.
Thoughts?
Friday, November 30, 2012
Family and Relationships
Parents,
So excited to start this conversation with you parents to see how we can all together engage in the body of Christ to fight against both Satan and the barriers we face that hinder spiritual depth!
We'll start today with a statement: All churches have struggles. Can we agree to that? Yes. Ok. We can move on. This isn't where we're going to spend our time, but the problem with churches is that they're filled with people. We should all be able to laugh to that I'd think because it's true. A little bit of self-depracation (in relationship to our total depravity...I'm being serious!) is necessary to understanding the gospel. But one of our main struggles at Calvary is that we're a commuter church. Now don't resign to leaving and going somewhere else! Goodness no! There's nothing wrong or unbiblical with being a commuter church, but it creates different dynamics that we must together intentionally battle.
We can't expect church to be perfect. PAUSE: I (Seth) think, we should never "expect" a church to do anything, in the sense that we'd selfishly demand of others, which can push us towards a "works" oriented structure. However, UNPAUSE: what can we "HOPE" a church might demonstrate? Now that's a question worth pursuing.
CONTEXT: We represent anywhere from 10-15 different major subdivisions and communities, with an equal amount of schools (if not more). That's tough! Try getting students to really, I mean to DEEPLY connect with others when they're not doing life together! Trying to get students to share deeply is like trying to get two badgers to talk. What do badgers have to talk about? Nothing! In fact, they'd rather sit there and claw at each other! (you may laugh, but as you know, with teenagers this isn't so uncommon!). Even their concept of relationships (or youth group as a family) is messy. Too many students these days think that relationships are purely about hanging out, watching movies, gossiping, trying on new clothes at the store, playing video games, eating together are all characteristics of a quality relationship. NEWS FLASH! All that means is that they "dislike" that person "less" than another person. Interesting isn't it? I think I have friends like that too! Those friendships are good for fun...and for witnessing (!!!), but they lack seriously in the department of what Christ calls the church body to do.
So how do we move forward? It's my HOPE that all churches, including ours, demonstrate both inside and outside the walls, DEEP and BIBLICAL RELATIONSHIPS. That goes for in youth group, adult classes, during worship, connecting afterwards...BUT IT STARTS WITH FAMILIES. If deep and biblical relationships are modeled at home, then it is that much easier for us all to live out and overflow biblical relationships at church. How I treat my wife at home needs to be my primary focus and source of overflow for how I treat people at church. And it all focuses around one figure: CHRIST.
Below are the five principles that I would "hang my hat" upon when discussing the nature of biblical relationships. The first being love. These are what I HOPE that we as a church body, both pastors and volunteer staff, along with Parents and families, can begin to model both at home and at church.
1. Unconditional Love - healthy families have a deep sense of Christ-like love.
Ephesians 5:1-2 says, "...be imitators of God, as beloved children, and walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for for us, a fragrant offering a sacrifice to God." Jesus himself said, "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." I could add another dozen verses if space allowed. Love is not how we'd use it today: sexualized, eroticized, even in how we talk of cheeseburgers. It's impossible, and I hope not experienced, to have an intimate relationship with a cheeseburger. Love as Christ examples it is this: the commitment to sacrifice oneself unconditionally and ceaselessly to those who (like ourselves) don't deserve it. Are committed, devoted to one another so much that we would die for those around us? Next to us in the pew? I told the students, and I mean this from the very bottom of my heart, that I would die for any student in that room. If it required of me to risk my life I would. That's not to boast of me, but to boast of what Christ did for me and how he has instilled that same love in me for the students I am privileged and called to shepherd. But would I die for the man or woman getting coffee in front of me? What does our love look like and for whom is it for? Do we have in our hearts and demonstrate the sacrificial love of Christ?
2. Forgiveness - (healthy families forgive each other because CHRIST died for all and no one person in a family is More or Less sinful than another - Rom. 2:1-11, also Eph. 6:4 specific for dads)
3. Acceptance (of uniqueness and differences without judgement)
4. Accountability (in love - spurring each other out of sin and towards good deeds)
5. Prayer (no one person can do this apart from Christ and the work of the Spirit)
What if our families, youth group, church, schools, were learning this type of a community? That relationships are more than late nights and mountain dew? More than trying on clothes? What if students, the next generation, knew how to engage each other by LOVING the way Christ loved? WOW!!! So exciting!!! Perhaps, just perhaps, they could learn quicker than some of us, the true meaning in marriage, when Paul said, "Husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church." That would be seriously awesome.
What are your thoughts on these principles laid out? How have you seen things work in your family? Not work in your family? What stories can you share?
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Parents,
I apologize for the length of this...I got carried away :)
This Sunday we had a full out debate between three groups (hypothetically of course...though interestingly many found themselves condemning their own lifestyle!!!). The three groups were:
1) Christians who believe that while sin is forgiven, it still has consequences
2) Christians who believe that once forgiven - always forgiven...so why not sin?
3) Non-christians who don't believe in sin or its effects
It was interesting to see them engage with one another, but in the end, I had to award (to my dismay) a bag of candy to group three, because despite all attempts, they remained unscathed. Now, that's a bit unfair, like pairing goliath against a young boy (oh wait, maybe that's a bad example? sarcasm)...to award the team who in a sense believes in nothing, but what does that say about us?
I think it shows two key things:
1) that it's fairly easy (in fact too easy!!) for students to play a relativistic devil's advocate because let's face it, it's a pretty common agenda and lifestyle...especially in the larger public liberal schools.
2) It also demonstrates our low view of critical thinking. It's pretty common for students to self-reflect before they self-examine. They see something they like and they put it on; metaphorically or literally. If they don't like something, they take it off and discard it...much like last years clothes (fyi - the new thing in HS is mismatched socks...I know, I don't get it either).
Let's take a look at the different groups. The scenario was this: one student catches another student cheating on a test and confronts them in the hall after class.
GROUP 3: was definitely the easiest. It's easy to play the part of the relativist because it doesn't require much critical thinking. If morality doesn't exist, then God (whether he exists or not - in whatever form) cannot hold it against me...thus cheating is fine...more specifically it's not "good" or "bad" - it just is what it is...and as one student said "it's a clever use of my resources."
GROUP 2: was slightly harder. The common thread in their argument was that once I'm forgiven I'm always forgiven...and here's the kicker...it DOESN'T MATTER if I shouldn't continue to sin (Romans 6:1) because I'm forever forgiven. So why change? In this view we engage the world under the false presupposition that sin, whether forgiven or not, still has no consequences...or if it does, we choose to live with them because I have eternity in heaven all stored up!!! This has such a low view of sin that it unwittingly espouses an extremely cheap view of grace. What then was the purpose of Christ's sacrifice? Did he intend for us to live life this way? To quote Paul "may it never be!" I always tell our students, "you can never understand the depth of God's grace until you understand the depth of your own sin." Of course this ongoing as us adults know. However, to allow students to see sin as "shallow" will reap long term fruit.
GROUP 1: had the most difficult job. Their responses to other groups seemed to convey a great sense of confusion. To be sure this is common, as we cannot expect the unspiritual to understand the spiritual (1 Cor. 2:11-13). I think most students felt that they could "win" over another if they simply shared the right words. Teaching students to engage any material, capture every thought, and to weigh it against the Truth of Scripture is a mighty task...especially if it requires more effort. Why would a student want to take the harder road, especially if what it teaches is that I have sacrifice the "fun" stuff of the world? But believe it or not this is what we are asking of students!!!
But don't lose hope parents! God is faithful and sovereign in all things. In fact I just heard another story from a mom who's daughter has turned a significant corner after years and years of tears, pain, "f" bombs, etc. You cannot make your son or daughter choose right over wrong (though we may sometimes try to force or manipulate it). All you can do is open doors for relevant conversation, and with heavy doses of daily, sometimes hourly prayer, with the hopes that students take steps themselves towards the Truth.
Our conversation on Sunday ended with the idea of how we ask for forgiveness. I think that we, all too commonly, offer our sin to God like they were little black balls. Once they pop up, we hand them over, ask "please forgive me" (more as a statement than a question) and we move on. But there is a fundamental flaw. We presuppose (sometimes errantly and sometimes correctly) that God forgives my sin. Wait, what? Let me explain: If I say "God please forgive me?" he might say "ok" or he might say "which one?" Let's think of it this way. What is the purpose of forgiveness? It's purpose is to restore a relationship. But if we examine how we ask for forgiveness, our motives become alarmingly visual. We don't often ask for God's forgiveness to be restored, and to change our lifestyles. Rather, we ask for forgiveness because we don't like feeling guilty. If I ask for forgiveness with the presupposition that God forgives all sin (1 John 1:9) and the false-purpose being to "not feel guilty" then I have in fact cheapened God's forgiveness. I've reduced planet earth to the size of pea. Where is the forgiveness in this? Again, I feel like God would say "which sin are you referring to?" and further, "do you really want to be changed?" Dietrech Bonhoeffer defined this forgiveness as cheap grace. We ask God to justify our sin, without justifying the sinner. In essence, we want to feel as if we can continue to live a guilt free life while sinning all we want. Is this Biblical? No! Romans 6:1, "if we have died to sin how then can we live in it any longer?"
So questions for you this week to engage your sons and daughter:
1. do you think that sin has effects?
2. is more forgiveness necessary if we're already forgiven?
3. what do you think your motives are when you ask for forgiveness?
Hope this helps!
seth
I apologize for the length of this...I got carried away :)
This Sunday we had a full out debate between three groups (hypothetically of course...though interestingly many found themselves condemning their own lifestyle!!!). The three groups were:
1) Christians who believe that while sin is forgiven, it still has consequences
2) Christians who believe that once forgiven - always forgiven...so why not sin?
3) Non-christians who don't believe in sin or its effects
It was interesting to see them engage with one another, but in the end, I had to award (to my dismay) a bag of candy to group three, because despite all attempts, they remained unscathed. Now, that's a bit unfair, like pairing goliath against a young boy (oh wait, maybe that's a bad example? sarcasm)...to award the team who in a sense believes in nothing, but what does that say about us?
I think it shows two key things:
1) that it's fairly easy (in fact too easy!!) for students to play a relativistic devil's advocate because let's face it, it's a pretty common agenda and lifestyle...especially in the larger public liberal schools.
2) It also demonstrates our low view of critical thinking. It's pretty common for students to self-reflect before they self-examine. They see something they like and they put it on; metaphorically or literally. If they don't like something, they take it off and discard it...much like last years clothes (fyi - the new thing in HS is mismatched socks...I know, I don't get it either).
Let's take a look at the different groups. The scenario was this: one student catches another student cheating on a test and confronts them in the hall after class.
GROUP 3: was definitely the easiest. It's easy to play the part of the relativist because it doesn't require much critical thinking. If morality doesn't exist, then God (whether he exists or not - in whatever form) cannot hold it against me...thus cheating is fine...more specifically it's not "good" or "bad" - it just is what it is...and as one student said "it's a clever use of my resources."
GROUP 2: was slightly harder. The common thread in their argument was that once I'm forgiven I'm always forgiven...and here's the kicker...it DOESN'T MATTER if I shouldn't continue to sin (Romans 6:1) because I'm forever forgiven. So why change? In this view we engage the world under the false presupposition that sin, whether forgiven or not, still has no consequences...or if it does, we choose to live with them because I have eternity in heaven all stored up!!! This has such a low view of sin that it unwittingly espouses an extremely cheap view of grace. What then was the purpose of Christ's sacrifice? Did he intend for us to live life this way? To quote Paul "may it never be!" I always tell our students, "you can never understand the depth of God's grace until you understand the depth of your own sin." Of course this ongoing as us adults know. However, to allow students to see sin as "shallow" will reap long term fruit.
GROUP 1: had the most difficult job. Their responses to other groups seemed to convey a great sense of confusion. To be sure this is common, as we cannot expect the unspiritual to understand the spiritual (1 Cor. 2:11-13). I think most students felt that they could "win" over another if they simply shared the right words. Teaching students to engage any material, capture every thought, and to weigh it against the Truth of Scripture is a mighty task...especially if it requires more effort. Why would a student want to take the harder road, especially if what it teaches is that I have sacrifice the "fun" stuff of the world? But believe it or not this is what we are asking of students!!!
But don't lose hope parents! God is faithful and sovereign in all things. In fact I just heard another story from a mom who's daughter has turned a significant corner after years and years of tears, pain, "f" bombs, etc. You cannot make your son or daughter choose right over wrong (though we may sometimes try to force or manipulate it). All you can do is open doors for relevant conversation, and with heavy doses of daily, sometimes hourly prayer, with the hopes that students take steps themselves towards the Truth.
Our conversation on Sunday ended with the idea of how we ask for forgiveness. I think that we, all too commonly, offer our sin to God like they were little black balls. Once they pop up, we hand them over, ask "please forgive me" (more as a statement than a question) and we move on. But there is a fundamental flaw. We presuppose (sometimes errantly and sometimes correctly) that God forgives my sin. Wait, what? Let me explain: If I say "God please forgive me?" he might say "ok" or he might say "which one?" Let's think of it this way. What is the purpose of forgiveness? It's purpose is to restore a relationship. But if we examine how we ask for forgiveness, our motives become alarmingly visual. We don't often ask for God's forgiveness to be restored, and to change our lifestyles. Rather, we ask for forgiveness because we don't like feeling guilty. If I ask for forgiveness with the presupposition that God forgives all sin (1 John 1:9) and the false-purpose being to "not feel guilty" then I have in fact cheapened God's forgiveness. I've reduced planet earth to the size of pea. Where is the forgiveness in this? Again, I feel like God would say "which sin are you referring to?" and further, "do you really want to be changed?" Dietrech Bonhoeffer defined this forgiveness as cheap grace. We ask God to justify our sin, without justifying the sinner. In essence, we want to feel as if we can continue to live a guilt free life while sinning all we want. Is this Biblical? No! Romans 6:1, "if we have died to sin how then can we live in it any longer?"
So questions for you this week to engage your sons and daughter:
1. do you think that sin has effects?
2. is more forgiveness necessary if we're already forgiven?
3. what do you think your motives are when you ask for forgiveness?
Hope this helps!
seth
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
PRAYER
A mom recently emailed me with the question below, which she gave me permission to use. I have posted my response to her, but I thought we could use this blog for parents to engage with real questions together as we strive to see sons and daughters own their faith and make it real.
Dear Seth,
I'm not a parent...yet. I get that. So I understand my response may not be built of out of years of experience. But I think it contains some good truths. As a church body, we can all sharpen each other, which is where you come in :)
My response: (for sake of space I have only posted the first part of my response...and a few additions)
Dear (anonymous),
Yes, I believe it is absolutely possible to have serious conversations and family togetherness
and NO you are not the only parents to struggle with it. It takes time, patience, and
intentionality.
clam up, shut up, seal everything inside. Or with parents they brush it off, say things like "it
was fine" or "you know, the usual" when asked about church. Why? Because they're fearful.
They don't know how to handle a situation like that...often because they anticipate judgment,
repercussion, or consequences if they don't give the right answer. After all, who wants a
scolding? I sure don't. So what do we do?
Below, I've outlined some goals. These goals are not a "fix it" strategy...and whether or not
you choose to try them is up to you. But I think they contain some helpful principles. Most
particularly...being open about life struggles, asking for prayer, and using language that
emphasizes TRUST over obedience
Dear Seth,
Is there a way to let kids know that it is ok to ask parents for prayer and to talk to them about life's challenges? I see it as a big stumbling block in our lives right now. It is funny how my husband and I separately study the Word, I pray privately, I know the girls read their Bibles, but there's no "togetherness" in it. Feels odd. I would sit next to each girl and pray some time back during bedtime, but now they don't really want me in there. We pray over our meals together, but it is the same prayer. I don't feel it is heartfelt; rather, rehearsed and reciteable in our sleep. Are there other parents who struggle with their kids in this way?
I'm not a parent...yet. I get that. So I understand my response may not be built of out of years of experience. But I think it contains some good truths. As a church body, we can all sharpen each other, which is where you come in :)
My response: (for sake of space I have only posted the first part of my response...and a few additions)
Dear (anonymous),
Yes, I believe it is absolutely possible to have serious conversations and family togetherness
and NO you are not the only parents to struggle with it. It takes time, patience, and
intentionality.
Most students shy away when cornered by a parent, and yes, even their youth pastor. They
clam up, shut up, seal everything inside. Or with parents they brush it off, say things like "it
was fine" or "you know, the usual" when asked about church. Why? Because they're fearful.
They don't know how to handle a situation like that...often because they anticipate judgment,
repercussion, or consequences if they don't give the right answer. After all, who wants a
scolding? I sure don't. So what do we do?
Below, I've outlined some goals. These goals are not a "fix it" strategy...and whether or not
you choose to try them is up to you. But I think they contain some helpful principles. Most
particularly...being open about life struggles, asking for prayer, and using language that
emphasizes TRUST over obedience
Goal 1. You want to disarm the students "programed" response
What are your thoughts as a parent?Idea: start with yourself. Model what it "could" look like.How: by asking them if they would be willing to pray for you. Do this instead of cornering them and asking how you can pray for them.Looks like: Ask either son or daughter if they could grab some coffee. Be open and share how you're struggling in life. Then ask if they'll pray for you. This shouldopen doors for their willingness to share and ask for prayer.Important: if a student feels like sharing will bring either judgment or exclusion...they won't share. Try offering a FULL "pardon" if they remain silent and choosenot to share. Giving students permission to let anything out without repercussion can be a powerful catalyst. The theological idea is that you've already chosen to forgive them without even having heard the sin...much like what God does for us. He forgives without judgment.Key Words: use words like "TRUST" in God, rather than obey. The goal is to get students to own their faith. Trusting God is build out of a dependence on God. I heard someone say the other day, "nothing in your life demonstrates your dependence on God more than prayer." Students need to learn to live out their own dependence on God...not legalistic obedience.Key phrase: WE can both trust God together this week. students need to feel like they're not the only one struggling. further, we can do life together.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)