PRAYER

A mom recently emailed me with the question below, which she gave me permission to use. I have posted my response to her, but I thought we could use this blog for parents to engage with real questions together as we strive to see sons and daughters own their faith and make it real.

          Dear Seth,

Is there a way to let kids know that it is ok to ask parents for prayer and to talk to them about life's challenges?  I see it as a big stumbling block in our lives right now.  It is funny how my husband and I separately study the Word, I pray privately, I know the girls read their Bibles, but there's no "togetherness" in it. Feels odd.  I would sit next to each girl and pray some time back during bedtime, but now they don't really want me in there.  We pray over our meals together, but it is the same prayer.  I don't feel it is heartfelt; rather, rehearsed and reciteable in our sleep.  Are there other parents who struggle with their kids in this way?

I'm not a parent...yet. I get that. So I understand my response may not be built of out of years of experience. But I think it contains some good truths. As a church body, we can all sharpen each other, which is where you come in :)

My response: (for sake of space I have only posted the first part of my response...and a few additions)

          Dear (anonymous),

          Yes, I believe it is absolutely possible to have serious conversations and family togetherness 
          and NO you are not the only parents to struggle with it. It takes time, patience, and 
          intentionality.    

          Most students shy away when cornered by a parent, and yes, even their youth pastor. They
          clam up, shut up, seal everything inside. Or with parents they brush it off, say things like "it
          was fine" or "you know, the usual" when asked about church. Why? Because they're fearful.
          They don't know how to handle a situation like that...often because they anticipate judgment,
          repercussion, or consequences if they don't give the right answer. After all, who wants a
          scolding? I sure don't. So what do we do?

          Below, I've outlined some goals. These goals are not a "fix it" strategy...and whether or not 
          you choose to try them is up to you. But I think they contain some helpful principles. Most 
          particularly...being open about life struggles, asking for prayer, and using language that 
          emphasizes TRUST over obedience

Goal 1. You want to disarm the students "programed" response

Idea: start with yourself. Model what it "could" look like. 

How: by asking them if they would be willing to pray for you. Do this instead of cornering them and asking how you can pray for them.  

Looks like: Ask either son or daughter if they could grab some coffee. Be open and share how you're struggling in life. Then ask if they'll pray for you. This should 

open doors for their willingness to share and ask for prayer. 

Important: if a student feels like sharing will bring either judgment or exclusion...they won't share. Try offering a FULL "pardon" if they remain silent and choose 

not to share. Giving students permission to let anything out without repercussion can be a powerful catalyst. The theological idea is that you've already chosen to  forgive them without even having heard the sin...much like what God does for us. He forgives without judgment. 

Key Words: use words like "TRUST" in God, rather than obey. The goal is to get students to own their faith. Trusting God is build out of a dependence on God. I heard someone say the other day, "nothing in your life demonstrates your dependence on God more than prayer." Students need to learn to live out their own dependence on God...not legalistic obedience. 

Key phrase: WE can both trust God together this week. students need to feel like they're not the only one struggling. further, we can do life together.

What are your thoughts as a parent?